I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize