I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
