This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
