i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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