I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize