Tell her she can't have a vagina
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
