They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
