This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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