You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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