Soap is not a condiment
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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