I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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