At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
