My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You ruined the universe
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
