Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
