1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
