And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
