If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
