ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
