At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't think brook has ever known best
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
