she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
