Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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