I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
