You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
