Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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