All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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