oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
