YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
