did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
