I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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