you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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