my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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