Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
