can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
