I wish i was in the wii world.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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