i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
