I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
did you just send me my own nude
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
