chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
