Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
