In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
