Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
