I want to make a zoo with you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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