Will you blow on my dice?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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