hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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