dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
