Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
