There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
