Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize