but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
