My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
