Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
