My pussy is not your playground.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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