doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
