thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
