my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
