the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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