keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
