omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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