i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
