Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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