No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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