a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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