After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
