yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
