i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize