I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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