mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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