I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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