Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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