I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize