its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
