yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
